Okay, first off...I'm gonna be straight up honest with you guys...Your opinion probably won't matter much to me. You don't know me, her, or the situation any better than I can explain it. You probably aren't coming from the same mindset we are, and you probably have different worldviews than us. I am just hoping that maybe a couple of you will say something that makes sense. So...that disclaimer aside, here we go.
My girlfriend and I have pretty much been together for two years. I'm in college and she is graduating from high school this year (pretty much what I'm saying is that we aren't a junior high relationship...). We have always had some different opinions on stuff, because we were raised in fairly different situations.
She was raised in a household where her mom was very leadership oriented, and to bow down to the will of a man was almost an insult. My girlfriend disagrees with this mindset mentally, but shows a lot of the mindset as to how she responds to different things that I ask her to do, etc. We have talked about this and she is working on it, but it is something that has been going on for a while.
I was raised in a household where the husband wasn't king, but if there was a difference of opinion that had the be decided on before it could be worked out, his choice won. In general though, it was a mutual leadership between him and my mom. This reflects greatly how I see things, and the fact that she ignores things like me asking her not to do something, or something along those lines, seems like a lack of respect for me. While she sees it as me lacking respect for her freedom. These are all general examples, and I realize that. If I got into any detailed situations on here I think it would get too complicated and long.
Anyways...so pretty much, we have some fundamentally different opinions on things. This isn't the only thing, just one of the main issues. I am also over-critical of everyone (a trait I'm working on getting rid of)...and that tied into the fact that she has a tendency to ignore what I say really doesn't help much. Both of our issues seem to clash on each other and make the other worse.
So, we go and talk to my former youth pastor about it (He's was a pretty large part of our relationship while I was still in the youth group, and he continues to be a man I respect to an extreme). In summary of what he said, pretty much he sees it as this relationship is getting too complicated, and that it shouldn't be like this. He's not saying that definitely aren't right for each other, but the fact that we fight so much might be a warning sign that something isn't right. He asked us how we were doing with our relationship with God, and the simple answer is that we both are not doing totally amazing. Yes, we are both practicing Christians, we respect each other's purity, and we have tried to center the relationship around Christ, and not ourselves. The issue though is that doing so is a VERY difficult task and we have seemed to have slacked off in recent months. Anyways, he suggested this. That we both seek God apart from each other, and by doing so he thinks that we will have a clearer mind on the subject. So we will be able to focus more on what we feel God is telling us. If you are daily in communication with someone that you have been in a relationship with for two years, it will definitely spark feeling against breaking up with someone if that is what God is suggesting we do. Logically, that makes sense to me. And I probably am not explaining it near as well as he did.
So his suggestion is to back off of one another for a couple days, a week, a month, however long it takes until we have both decided, individually, what we feel God is telling us to do. I spoke to my mom about this and she agrees with him (My dad is currently in New York working, so I haven't had time to get his opinion yet). Her mom is in favor of us spending less time talking...so it would appear as if she was, at least partially, in favor with him.
What we have decided is this. We want to take it week by week....and see how things go for now. Now that we have the threat that what we fight about it serious, and unless taken care of will ruin this relationship...we think that will be enough incentive to do something about it. We have both talked about tackling our own personal things that we feel is tearing us apart, and we plan on doing our best to kill them. I realize that something that is ingrained in ourselves won't just go away...but I definitely think that if both tendencies were monitored strictly, we would be fine.
We have decided to take a fast from TV, movies, music, internet, etc. and try to focus on our relationship with God more. And we are going to back off of each other slightly. It isn't like the relationship completely takes over our lives, but we have tendShould my girlfriend and I take some time off to reevaluate our relationship?
Why post if it doesn't matter?Should my girlfriend and I take some time off to reevaluate our relationship?
Seems like you've already got it figured out. Take a little relationship break. If you still like her after, go back with her if she does too. Call it God's will if you want..
I agree with Scott in a way; why bother asking a question if the answer doesn't matter to you? However I think that it does matter and that is why you are here. Well, for starters I have to say that in my opinion ';taking a break'; is a bad idea. Any time I have ever seen a couple do that it eventually led to their break up. However, the fact of the matter is that while you may not be in a ';junior relationship'; you are both still very young and may in fact benefit from seeing the world a bit. Ever heard the expression ';you're only young once';? Well, it's true. And while you may think that you are all grown up because you are in college, there is always more to learn. Most people your age wouldn't even dream of being in a serious relationship. That being said if this relationship is really important to you then by all means work on it. However, do not expect her to change for you, she is who she is. There may be little things that she will waver on for you but if it is a big part of who she is she either won't change or she will regret changing for you. Good luck.
Well my opinion highly differs from some others you mention being given to you. I think relationships are always complicated when they are honest and only work simple when there's a lack thereof. I believe relationships take work on both sides and the biggest factor is how much both parties are willing to fight to make it work. I wanted to comment on the differences a bit mostly the part about the lacking respect for her freedom part. From what i have heard to me it seems more of a difference in comfort zones and expectations of behaviors. When something comes up that you are uncomfortable with the most you should do ( this goes both ways ) is explain that it makes you uncomfortable and would like her to not do this thing for you. Than this would be where the other must decide if it is worth sacrificing. If no than you have a whole other subject to think about being how severe the activity was to you and whether or not you can live with it or not. Obviously saying '; you aren't doing that '; or ';can't do this'; is not the same thing and IS disrespecting someones freedom. It is hard for me to relate to a lot of this because i am not christian and don't really know to how comment on those parts of the situation without the possibility of offending you so i won't. Best of luck to you both though.
I agree with the answer your pastor and parents give. Give the relationship a little break. I know what you are feeling because I have been there myself, and take this from someone who has been there done that...if it is meant to be it will be if not then move on. Don't be afraid of what may or may not happen with the relationship. It sounds like the two of you need some time to sort things out on your own. Get your own lives straight and take the time to work on yourselves and then see where you go. This is a day to day process and in the end you will have the right answer. It could actually bring the two of you closer together as it has in my relationship. Also keep in mind that all relationships no matter how good they are, are indeed complicated. You can take the advice or leave it, but I do have some knowledge on the subject. Good luck!
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